Here we are. It’s possibly the last chance we have to make fun of the Utah Hockey Club until they become the Utah Big Woolly Mammoths or whatever it is that they have yet to decide on, and I can’t even fully enjoy it.
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https://twitter.com/BagleyKSLsports/status/1901431617761222762

Here’s the thing – Utah does not play hockey to win. One could also argue that the Vancouver Canucks haven’t been playing hockey to win this year, but I don’t think that’s intentional. 

No, Utah plays hockey to exhaust their rivals, especially if you’re the Canucks. It’s been plain to see in all three meetings between the two teams this year, all won by Utah by small goal margins in absolutely excruciating games to sit through. They know how to get under the skin of their opponents, and they simply wait it out while the other team ends up chasing their own tail like an overexcited dog.

Utah HC didn't even need to be particularly extraordinary. In its first franchise year, it didn’t have to pull out all the stops to be considered better than the Coyotes before them because the bar was truly just that low. It appears they’ve fallen upward to the middle(ish) of the standings.

Compared to last year, the Canucks practically have a PDO in the negatives, but it doesn’t excuse them from losing to the artist formerly known as the Arizona Coyotes. Utah may now be run competently behind the scenes, with a few on-ice additions, but at its core, it is still the same mediocre team. No. More. Excuses.
<h2>First Period</h2>
Best Luck of the Swedish

Right off the bat, I can tell you there is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. There isn’t even a “rain” part of that bow. While the rest of St. Patrick’s Day weekend might have been filled with street parties, good times with friends, and green jungle juice, this game felt like the horrible hangover you get after day drinking and falling off someone’s garage roof. At least that creates a great memory and gains you the respect of your friends and strangers alike. This hockey game did neither. It probably actually lost the respect of some people, if that was even still possible.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/giphy-22-1.mp4"][/video]

Nils Höglander blocked a shot early and took it hard, struggling from effective whiplash at the boards. He took a good while to recover from it. The thing about the luck of the Irish, or in this case, Swedish, is that it was definitely not always present in this game.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/drop-pass.mp4"][/video]

On the subject of Swedes, here's a nifty drop pass moment between Jonathan Lekkerimäki and Quinn Hughes because I:
<ol>
 	<li>Love drop passes when they're used effectively and not as a crutch and-</li>
 	<li>Missed Quinn Hughes in the Canucks line-up more than I miss certain members of my extended family – don't worry, I'm not a monster, I just mean the second cousins and distant aunts that we all forget we have sometimes.</li>
</ol>
[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/petey-v-cooley.mp4"][/video]

Tensions were high early on, and Elias Pettersson decided to get friendly with Logan Cooley, and Höglander got involved. Don't mess with the Swede line unless they're falling down one after the other in a comedy of errors.

8-on-8 Crime

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/garly-v-schmaltz.mp4"][/video]

Conor Garland got absolutely rocked in this entire game, especially in this first period, and especially by former Coyotes linemate Nick Schmaltz. Funnily enough, both of these scrappy wingers wear #8, and by the time this above hit happened, Garland had already been run down by Utah's net by Schmaltz once. Nothing "screams reunions with friends" like passive aggression. Talk about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

Chaos is a Ladder

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/myers-penalty.mp4"][/video]

And a ladder is what you need in order to reach Tyler Myers. Myers, who I'm told goes by Chaos Giraffe as his street name, took a puck-over-glass penalty and was off to the box before he even needed to be told. Tyler Myers knows who he is. Tyler Myers knows what he did. I understand the purpose of delay-of-game penalties, and yes, I think they're stupid when the player is pretty clearly just trying to chip the puck out while stuck between a rock and a hard place, but that's a manifesto for a different day. The Canucks penalty kill is one of the things they really have going for them right now. At least they have that.

Lawson Crouse Becoming Public Enemy Number One

The highlight of the first period was the Canucks roster collectively deciding to make Utah Winger Lawson Crouse their problem and Lawson Crouse deciding to be that problem even harder.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/crouse-scrum-1.mp4"][/video]

Lankinen makes a fantastic save here, and Teddy Blueger does not take very kindly to Lawson Crouse making contact with him, and rightfully so. Thus comes a scrum. I can't remember the last time I saw the Canucks stand up for their goalie like this, which is depressing, but at least they did it. It's the small wins that count when you can't get the big one.

Speaking of small wins, Pius Suter and Michael Carcone run off from the group and pair off in their own little 1v1 battle.

Which kept going...

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/crouse-scrum-2.mp4"][/video]

And kept going...

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/scrum-3.mp4"][/video]

Do you guys want us to give you some time alone or something?

Now it's 7 minutes into the first period, and Utah has 4 shots to Canucks 0. Scientists are claiming that it's possible that the Canucks will never get shots on net again. 

Watch this. Watch this very, very carefully.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/petey-shot.mp4"][/video]

Elias Pettersson, reading the play between Filip Hronek and Quinn Hughes, getting in position in the slot up high? Check. Elias Pettersson showing that he's still got that powerful shot in his toolbox? Check. Utah denies Pettersson his big finish, but he still makes a quick move to chip the puck back to Hronek in the neutral zone. This is excellent work from Pettersson, and it makes you wonder why this team still can't score a goal to save their lives. But I digress. 

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/mancini.mp4"][/video]

I told you Lawson Crouse would be back, didn't I?

Am I a little jealous that Utah has a player who isn't afraid to go right to net front? Maybe. You may have an army of mammoths, or yeti, or outlaws, but we have a Conor Garland.

I also won't say no to Victor Mancini establishing an identity as a Canuck, and I am greatly looking forward to that identity being the following:

<img class="wp-image-141389 size-full alignleft" src="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/tumblr_inline_p4dx4uNY491qf7n3q_1280.png" alt="" width="1227" height="757" />

4-on-4 Round One

Dylan Guenther and Derek Forbort take cross-checking and slashing penalties on each other, and the game heads to round one of 4-on-4 action. Yes, I said round one. Prepare yourselves.

As a token of apology, here's...whatever this is from later on in the period? This game is extraordinarily silly sometimes. 

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/stenlund.mp4"][/video]

In the final minutes of the period, Dakota Joshua hits Michael Carcone, Michael Kesselring hits Marcus Pettersson, and Carcone retaliates. Too many Michael's, too many crimes. Joshua and Carcone head to the sin bins.

It'll be more 4-on-4 when we get back.

The Gist

The Canucks dragged on to the end of the period, and the shots ended up 10-3 for Utah. Why do we still hope for good things in this world when the world simply looks back and laughs at our mortal fate? Must we be doomed to dump and chase forevermore into eternity?

The Canucks have their penalty kill all figured out, but now they desperately need a power play coach. Are they taking assistant applications at the moment?

https://twitter.com/laura24fan/status/1901429159693525031

Honestly, even this gal seems like a better option than what the team has going on right now. She probably will work for treats instead of a salary.
<h2>Middle 20</h2>
This game progressively got less exciting as it went on, especially in the second period, and I think this story is told by its total penalty minutes:
<ol>
 	<li>P1: 14:00</li>
 	<li>P2: 2:00</li>
 	<li>P3: 6:00</li>
</ol>
4-on-4, Round Two

This is 4-on-4 hockey that happens. No further comment.

The Goal Giveth and the Goal Taketh Away

It's what happens right after the 4-on-4 that matters. Carcone picks the puck up from a stretch pass, shoots, it bounces off Lankinen's pads, and Dylan Guenther manages to score off the rebound...except he really doesn't.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/no-goal.mp4"][/video]

The officials called the no-goal right away because Carcone quite literally fell into Lankinen. This is maybe the most goaltender interference-y goaltender interference I have ever seen, which makes sense that it was called off right away. But "sense" and NHL officiating do not always go hand-in-hand, after all. Just ask Filip Chytil.

Power Play Saviours

The Canucks head to the powerplay after Lawson Crouse is called for hooking on Victor Mancini and...

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/goal.mp4"][/video]

That's a power play goal from Captain Lexapro himself, assisted by Elias Pettersson and Jake DeBrusk.

The sweet feeling of vindication that the Canucks scored a power play goal off of Crouse's penalty didn't last throughout the whole game, but it was nice to revel in the moment.

Shorty Quote of the Game

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/Screen-Recording-2025-03-17-at-4.17.48 AM.mp4"][/video]

John Shorthouse has the ability to often voice what many of us are thinking but are too afraid to say about this team. Not Shorty. He is brave, and he is mic'd up.
<blockquote>
“I don’t know how that got into the goal but I think they’re gonna give it to Hughes.” 
-J. Shorthouse
</blockquote>
Sometimes, however, silence speaks a thousand words.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/Screen-Recording-2025-03-17-at-4.23.06 AM.mp4"][/video]

He's just letting it linger, much like The Cranberries' 1993 smash hit.
<blockquote>
“There...I let it linger.” 
-J. Shorthouse
</blockquote>
Ser Boeser of Canuckdom

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/boeser.mp4"][/video]

Careful, it's dangerous to venture alone. Here, take Brock Boeser leading a 3-on-2 rush and remembering he is, in fact, allowed to shoot at the net.

Man Down

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/garly-1.mp4"][/video]

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/garly-2.mp4"][/video]

Garland blocks a shot off his skate, struggles to continue to skate, continues to defend the Canucks zone and manages to get the puck out into the o-zone before finally making it to the bench. Of course, it's all with some help from one of his most loyal linemates, Dakota Joshua.

Boom. Conor Garland. That's my mic drop, folks.

The Gist

Utah did manage to tie up the game at 2-2 with a shot from Kevin Stenlund. It is what it is. This period was boring to watch after the Canucks opened up the scoring and even after Utah tied it up, the kind of period that makes you want to nod off on the couch. Other than the power play goal, the Canucks looked incredibly weak at 5 on 5, even just compared to the fiestiness of the first period. The shots sat at 10 to 17 for Utah. “All gas and no breaks” has somehow gotten lost in translation for the Canucks and become “All breaks and no gas" like it's Mad Max: Fury Road. Immortan Rick won't be letting up any time soon.
<h2>Final Frame</h2>
A Minooooooooor

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/cooley-holding.mp4"][/video]

Logan Cooley gets sent to the box on a minor penalty for holding against Elias Pettersson. It shouldn't be a crime to want to hold Elias Pettersson, he seems very kind. Unless it's holding in this context. That's very much not allowed. Again, I did not realize full on bear-hugs were in the NHL these days, but I can understand the urge.

Logan Cooley only goes on to score Utah's go-ahead goal. Go figure. Vancouver does nothing to stop these meddling kids.

Brock Gets Bonked

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/high-stick.mp4"][/video]

Boeser takes a nasty – albeit clearly unintentional – high-stick from Clayton Keller. For a moment, it seems even nastier and rather scary, because there's confusion as to whether Boeser made contact with a skate blade or not. He didn't, thankfully, but he did take one heck of a bonking – which is an official medical term.

A (Double) Minooooooooor

Clayton Keller goes to pretty boy jail for the aforementioned bonking incident, and suddenly the Canucks have a four-minute power play. They're back in the game!

Except they're not.

They put together a slow, uninspired power play, wasting the gift that a 4-minute advantage can give a losing team. Officials should be able to take power plays away from teams if they suck at them. You get this back when you learn to cherish it.

I get it. This was their second game in 48 hours and their 5th in 7 days. The team is tired, out of steam, with a tired man advantage. It doesn't suddenly make it not a squandered opportunity.

The End

Quite frankly, I was already long checked out of this game by the time Clayton Keller’s empty-net goal sealed the 3-1 win for Utah, but here it is in full technicolour if you haven’t already suffered enough.

[video width="2424" height="1354" mp4="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ENG.mp4"][/video]

Watching this goal, it's hard to figure out what goes wrong here other than just...Filip Hronek having issues with his peripheral vision? I love Hronek. He's had a great week otherwise, and he certainly airs out his frustration on the goalpost. But it's baffling to me how he goes to pass to Hughes and ends up passing directly to Nick Schmaltz instead. I understand your body moving faster than your brain and on instinct, which is how I live most of my life, but I cannot understand Hronek not looking up before he passes to Hughes for the life of me, or at least sensing that someone else was right there.

The final shots are 23-19 for Utah. The Canucks made a valiant effort, but no amount of recovery will excuse their shot production through two-thirds of this game.

I'm sorry if you chose to spend your Sunday night watching this game when you probably could have watched the premiere of the latest White Lotus episode, cooked yourself a nice meal, watched woodworking ASMR on YouTube, or simply done anything else.
<h2>Jersey Watch 2025</h2>
https://twitter.com/FormerBathGuy/status/1901426822169960716

First of all, it’s always fun to put on any sweater for any game, but you have to understand that it has the potential to generate a lot of questions. 

Maybe this person was a big Marcus Pettersson (3PETEY, or P3TEY if you’re nasty) or Drew O’Connor (Doc Oc) fan. Maybe this person is a hired audience plant from the Rutherford-Allvin-Tocchet Pittsburgh alumni camp, reminding Canucks fans spending hundreds of dollars to watch the team lose that, hey, it could always be worse! You could be watching the Pittsburgh Penguins right now!

If you’re still with the Canucks, you’ve made your decision. 

<img class="alignnone wp-image-141371 size-full" src="https://publish.canucksarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/dontforget.png" alt="" width="360" height="257" />

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